50 Shades of Abuse Flyer - Canada
Use, redistribute, print.
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Okay. I understood all the flack Twilight got for being an abusive relationship. Because it was and it was being read by a very young and impressionable audience. But ffs, 50 Shades is an ADULT NOVEL. Iit is about a BDSM couple. Which - newsflash - do exist. It is a completely consensual form of dominate/submissive sex play. The whole concept of domestic violence and abuse is that one side exerts control over an unwilling victim. I don’t recall Anastasia, or whatever she’s called, protesting to Christian’s form of sex. If I remember correctly, she quite enjoyed it! So before you condemn a work of romanticized fiction, actually consider it’s audience and remember that they are mature and capable enough to know the difference between reality and fiction.
so i guess you didn’t read the parts where he coerces her and the part where he continues after she has used her safeword and acts like a fucking creep whenever they aren’t having sex
it is the worst possible introduction to BDSM i could imagine
i know my shit okay
im hoping the people defending this book are 1. never getting into BDSM 2. not currently into BDSM 3. havent read the book bc i dont want to believe anyone is that fucking stupid
knowledge on you right now.
Wanna know the BDSM mantra? Safe, sane, consensual.
So let me explain why this book was devoid of all three of these things.
Safe - In the first few chapters of the novel, Christian Grey tracks Ana’s cell phone to find her at a club. Takes her home when she’s drunk, changes her when she’s so intoxicated she doesn’t remember him doing so,and informs her he will be keeping tabs on her for her own benefit. This is not the behaviour of a respectable Dominant. This is the behaviour of a power hungry, abusive asshole who really can’t take no for an answer.
Sane - One of the most important parts of BDSM is aftercare. Scenes can be extremely traumatizing and intense for the submissive. Aftercare is anything from petting to cuddling to holding to sweet talking, whatever degree of gentleness a bottom would need to pull them out of “subspace”. How does Christian provide aftercare? He submits Ana to a traumatizing first time spanking experience AND THEN FUCKING LEAVES. AND GETS MAD THAT SHE DIDN’T TELL HIM SHE WAS UPSET. He’s the one who should fucking know better! That, again, is not the act of a responsible Dominant. It’s the act of a selfish abuser.
Consensual - Did I mention he undressed her when she was belligerently drunk? Tracked her phone to locate her? He also buys her a new car despite her saying no countless times. Now, consent is important for any kind of sexual activity at all. Consent means informed, consent means enthusiastic. Informed, enthusiastic consent. This is crucial in a BDSM setting. Scenes can be extremely intense, especially for the bottom. What is Christian’s form of obtaining consent? Handing Ana a fucking contract highlighting all the things he wants to do her asshole and asking her to sign it. She was a virgin (Don’t even get me fucking started.) who had never before been exposed to BDSM. Entering in that kind of relationship takes a gargantuan amount of trust and knowledge so you know exactly what you’re getting into. Not reading a list of kinks on a piece of paper and signing your rights to say no away. Christian didn’t offer her resources, he didn’t offer her information. He gave her an ultimatum. That is not the sort of consent a responsible Dom/me would seek from their submissive.
Fuck. This. book. It’s written in a shitty way, it’s a terrible example of a BDSM relationship (ask anybody already involved in the lifestyle and watch them go blue in the face just thinking about it), which is already faced with enough prejudice and misunderstanding, and it romanticizes and glorifies abuse.
Reblogging because relevant
And I believe as far as the contract went, he told her she couldn’t discuss it with her best friend & if she had any questions to Google them. Because Google is 100% accurate.
Firstly, SSC IS NOT THE ONLY MANTRA IN BDSM. Can we /PLEASE/ stop forgetting that RACK exists as well and is just as valid?
Secondly, BDSM IS NOT AN EXCUSE FOR ABUSE.
What is considered an abusive relationship and what are considered abusive behaviors in Vanilla (non BDSM) terms, standards, and relationships IS STILL CONSIDERED AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP IN D/S TERMS, and both can be just as damaging.
LINK DUMP TIME BITCHES.
Trigger Warnings for abuse, assault, rape, etc.
Now. Let’s get on to the bullshit:
"But ffs, 50 Shades is an ADULT NOVEL. It is about a BDSM couple. Which - newsflash - do exist. It is a completely consensual form of dominate/submissive sex play. The whole concept of domestic violence and abuse is that one side exerts control over an unwilling victim. I don’t recall Anastasia, or whatever she’s called, protesting to Christian’s form of sex. If I remember correctly, she quite enjoyed it! So before you condemn a work of romanticized fiction, actually consider it’s audience and remember that they are mature and capable enough to know the difference between reality and fiction."
1. It being an adult erotica novel makes absolutely NO fucking difference. In fact, as an adult, the author should have known better and should have known to do her fucking research- which she did not.
In fact, there’s a FAR better example of Fictional Adult BDSM literature out there called Sunstone. Here’s the funny part though: Both SS and FFoG were both written by people uninvolved in and heavily removed from the BDSM community (which we call “Vanillas”). Except the author of Sunstone managed to do enough research to get it RIGHT and produce an amazing, well thought out, subculture accurate graphic novel…. And the author of FSoG managed to produce a steaming, inaccurate, completely abusive pile of shit.
Even better? The author of of SS even manages to accurately talk about and illustrate important topics in BDSM relationships like abuse, subdrop, and similar problems, WITHOUT CONDONING THEM, AND WHILE POINTING OUT HOW HARMFUL THEY CAN BE. FSoG on the other hand DOES NOT DO THIS AND INSTEAD ENCOURAGES AND ROMANTICIZES THEM.
So don’t give me that “oh it’s an adult fictional BDSM erotic novel!!!” tripe when there are actually perfect examples of how to do “Adult Fictional BDSM Erotica” CORRECTLY AND IN A MANNER THAT DOES NOT ROMANTICIZE OR EXCUSE ABUSIVE BEHAVIORS AND RELATIONSHIPS.
2. “The whole concept of domestic violence and abuse is that one side exerts control over an unwilling victim”.
That is an inaccurate representation of Domestic violence and abuse. Abuse may also sometimes involve manipulation, coercion, refusing resources, controlling behaviors, random and unpredictable (sometimes violent) mood swings, etc.
Physical abuse IS NOT THE ONLY FORM OF ABUSE THAT ONE MAY EXPERIENCE OR ENCOUNTER. Psychological Abuse, Emotional Abuse, and Verbal Abuse ALSO EXIST AND ARE JUST AS DAMAGING.
Furthermore? Not all victims are aware, at the time, that they are being abused- I wasn’t in the first 3 abusive relationships I found myself in until I learned how to recognize the signs.
3. “So before you condemn a work of romanticized fiction”
THAT IS LITERALLY THE FUCKING PROBLEM. THIS IS FICTIONAL ABUSE. IT IS ROMANTICIZED FICTIONAL ABUSE THAT ANYONE EVEN REMOTELY INVOLVED IN THE BDSM COMMUNITY KNOWS IS FUCKING ABUSE.
4. “actually consider it’s audience and remember that they are mature and capable enough to know the difference between reality and fiction.”
To those who are uneducated about BDSM IT IS DANGEROUS MATERIAL BECAUSE IT NOT ONLY ROMANTICIZES THIS ABUSE AND PASSES IT OFF AS ACCEPTABLE “BECAUSE IT’S BDSM”, IT ALSO REINFORCES PRE-EXISTING NEGATIVE STEREOTYPES ABOUT THE FUCKING COMMUNITY AND LIFESTYLE.
Someone being a fucking ADULT doesn’t make a goddamned lick of difference when they are uneducated about a subject and a book romanticizes it into being the norm and/or acceptable.
Speaking as a member of the community who has been seriously injured due to an asshole reading this book and thinking that it was appropriate behavior, and who knows girls who were taken advantage of by abusers because of this book, FUCK anyone who tries to write off the disgusting and inaccurate portrayal of BDSM in this story.
Also, I distinctly remember Ana saying NO to that first spanking experience and Christian ignoring her. CG is an abusive fuckwad who takes advantage of an innocent girl and then tries to justify his bullshit with his traumatic past (because past abuse ALWAYS justifies becoming an abuser).
And Ana is not off the hook either. She fucking MARRIES the guy who abuses her. And even on their honeymoon, he ignores her when she says no to things. (That was the point I stopped reading). She signed the contract even while having little understanding of it (and, oh, yeah. IT’S ILLEGAL TO PREVENT SOMEONE FROM CONTACTING A LAWYER REGARDING BUSINESS CONTRACTS IN THE US, AND THE AGREEMENT SHE SIGNS IS LEGALLY A BUSINESS CONTRACT; SHE IS RECEIVING COMPENSATION IN EXCHANGE FOR BEING HIS SLAVE AND THEREFORE SHE WAS LEGALLY ALLOWED TO DISCUSS THINGS WITH A LAWYER AND HE VIOLATED THAT RIGHT) and even after she leaves him, she decides “I can change him!” and goes back.
There are a million things wrong with this fucking series.